Heaven or Hell?

An American, a Hindu, and a Russian land in Purgatory. A grey-winged angel with a huge whip hanging from his belt meets them and says: “Alright, here’s the rules. Anyone who takes three strikes from my whip without screaming, can go straight to Heaven. You can shield yourselves with whatever you like. We’ve got everything here. Who’s first?” The American steps forward. “Alright, you’ve got three hours to prepare yourself.” The American puts on a full-body Kevlar outfit, gets into a tank, drives it into a concrete bunker, the bunker is covered with 15 feet of dirt and inch-thick titanium plates. The angel unravels his whip. SNAP! The titanium and the dirt are gone. SNAP! The bunker and tank are gone. SNAP! The American howls in pain, the ground opens up under his feet and he drops straight to Hell. “Next!”, says the angel. The Hindu steps forward. “You’ve got three hours to prepare yourself.” “I need only five minutes. I have studied Yoga all my life and can make myself immune to all pain.” The Hindu gets into a lotus position, hums mantras for a few minutes, and rises a couple of inches off the ground. The angel unravels his whip. SNAP! SNAP! SNAP! The Hindu is completely unfazed. “Hmm, impressive. Alright, you’re free to go.” “Thank you, but only after I see how this last one makes it out of this”, says the Hindu, looking at the Russian. “Your call.” The angel turns to the Russian: “What are you going to shield yourself with?” “With the Hindu of course.”


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